hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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