just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
