tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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