I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
