I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
