But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize