So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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