Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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