remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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