I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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