My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
