You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
