i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he shaved USA in his pubs
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
