Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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