And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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