What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
