So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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