I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
