ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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