Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everclear isn't food dammit
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
