whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
