um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
