there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
