got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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