Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
