fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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