Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
