so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
