watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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