you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
