Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
