went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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