Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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