I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize