remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
God, I missed his penis.
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