Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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