That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
