My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
