I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
