he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
