Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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