I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
