she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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