I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
