are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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