I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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