can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize