Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
