Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
