I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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