I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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