I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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