He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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