My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
