But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize