Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
