On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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