All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Drake has all the answers
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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