Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
