im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
