last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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