well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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