If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Vodka?
Forever.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
