is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
