can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
