If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
