you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
