yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
