i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
