Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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