Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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