i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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