Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
