Yo dont text me then not text me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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