Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
