you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
