i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
