i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
