I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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