I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
