I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
