I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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